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So I was in. I found a group to stick with, for the rest of September at least. I’m sure I can keep a friendship for that long without turning into a clown. Taylor thinks I’m uncomfortable around them, but in reality I’m just watching my every move with the fear of what happened with Rudy and Emily in the back of my mind. But on the other hand, the sane version of me is telling this paranoiac version of me that this group is nothing like Atlanta, they won’t ruin me the same way. I think the paranoiac Tay is also influenced by delusional Tay; this is because for some reason, delusional Tay thinks Taylor and Rudy look alike. Sure they both have luscious brown hair and strong eyebrows, but then sane Tay likes to add that Rudy had duller light brown eyes while Taylor’s eyes are a pungent and glowy dark brown. Those gorgeous orbs combined with the soft curls in his hair scratched every inch of my brain in the correct way.

Wait… do I like Taylor? 


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I have to stop and think about that one because it just seems so wrong, he literally reminds me of Rudy. He’s about to walk to our table and I have a good feeling that delusional Tay is going to get a good look at him in approximately 6 seconds to confirm her suspicions.

He sits down next to Karena who has been talking to Elorie for the past 10 minutes while I’ve been zoned out juggling the 3 versions of myself. I snap back into reality as soon as Taylor sits down. “There we go!” Karena suddenly exclaims, “Tay was here but I guess a daydream kidnapped her again.” The whole table laughed, but it wasn’t a rotten laugh like old times. Maybe because there were only 4 of us. Elorie and Karena were giggling but I couldn’t help but notice Taylor letting out a distinctive chuckle. I don’t know, it was softer than the other 2; what if he didn’t like the joke. Oh my gosh! There goes paranoiac Tay again. Before I could say something, Ben stormed in and sat down, which immediately resets any conversation. “Whattup kiddos, who missed me?” “Tay did!” Karena teased, “Maybe she was thinking about you!” “Shut up Karena, Ben couldn’t pull Tay now” Elorie responded. That hit me like a train, no one ever said anything like that about me in Atlanta. I looked over at Taylor who stopped eating his sandwich as soon as he heard Karena say all that, he was coldly glancing between me and Ben. “Oh Tay and I would take the world by storm” Ben suddenly said, “We’d be the Shaq and Kobe of this school.” I was about to add on to the joke by saying Ben and I would win a different type of ring in that case because I was honestly feeling the satire for once, but just as my lips parted I heard, “Shaq and Kobe weren’t in love ding dong.” 

Low and behold, guess who just said that… yep, Taylor. Even delusional Tay was surprised, why the hell would Taylor say that. Why the hell do I sound mad about that too, sane Taylor is losing her mind right now over something that could quite frankly mean nothing.

After I finished celebrating in my mind, I zoned back in to hear Elorie and Karena laughing again and Ben comically trying to fight Taylor. Man, this is the first time I’m the subject of conversation at the lunch table without having to also work as comedic relief, and it sure does feel amazing.


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To be continued...

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